[URGENT MEMO] Welcoming our new Administration & Dispatch Team... God help us all.

[Christopher Bennett]

AIR CHILD CORPORATE MEMO
To: All Flight Crew and Staff
From: Human Resources
Subject: Department Restructuring & New Hires
Air Child Management is thrilled to announce the restructuring of our Administration and Scheduling departments to maximize efficiency and streamline crew requests.
Please join us in extending a warm Air Child welcome to our new Executive Secretary, Mrs. Dolores DeCline, who will be handling all HR filing, payroll adjustments, and leave requests.
Furthermore, we are excited to welcome her daughters, May DeCline and Willa DeCline, who will be taking over the Crew Scheduling and Dispatch desks. Their door is always open! We look forward to a new era of productivity.

A Note from the Chief Pilot (Read Carefully):​

Alright, aviators, listen up. You all read the corporate fluff above. Now I am going to give you your actual survival guide, because the landscape of Air Child has just fundamentally changed.

If you value your sanity, your weekends, and your preferred routes, memorize the following:

1. Mrs. Dolores DeCline (The Executive Secretary) Mrs. DeCline now controls the executive floor. No one knows where Management found her, but she has the kind of posture that makes a four-stripe Captain feel like a toddler who just broke a vase. Do not ask her for a pay raise. Do not ask her for a holiday off. She does not speak; she simply wields a custom-ordered, red ink stamp that reads: "REJECTED. DO NOT ASK AGAIN." Getting this stamp is a rite of passage. Surviving the eye contact that comes with it is a miracle.

2. The Dispatch Desk Trap (The Twins) Down in scheduling, you will find Dolores’s 25-year-old twin daughters, May and Willa. They are brilliant, charming, and control exactly where you fly and when. Approaching their desk is a game of Russian roulette.

• May DeCline (The Velvet Glove): May is the "nice one." When you hand her a routing request, she smiles sympathetically and says, "I'll see what I can do." This gives you a dangerous, intoxicating rush of hope. You think: She May DeCline... but she might approve it! She won't. She gives you just enough hope so that when the final roster is published, the reality hurts twice as much. You won't just miss your weekend off; you will be rostered on a 14-hour cargo run hauling livestock to Ulaanbaatar.
  
  
• Willa DeCline (The Sledgehammer): Willa does not smile. Willa does not care about your fatigue levels or your sister's wedding. If you ask Willa for a favor, the answer is a flat, immediate "No." There is no false hope here. The universe is literally whispering her name as a warning: She Willa DeCline. We respect Willa because she crushes your dreams efficiently, leaving you plenty of time to go pack your thermal underwear.

THE GOLDEN RULE: Under no circumstances is anyone to attempt to flirt with the DeCline twins. The survival rate of trying to secure the "all-around carefree package" is absolute zero. If you try it, you will not be fired. You will just wake up tomorrow morning assigned to a rusted DHC-6 Twin Otter, flying fermented fish between remote islands in the Aleutians in mid-January, with a broken heater.

Fly safe out there. And whatever you do, don't forget your receipts.